Palace and Pakistani Punches

El Paso has been good to me. I've spent my time here watching movies, playing made-up card games w/ made-up names, making deviled eggs, and learning new wrestling moves from my little brother. This vacation has brought some much needed silliness and relaxation in contrast to these recent few weeks, which have been turbulent to say the least.

I return home in a few days and am feeling uneasy. I have never known someone who has had a more difficult time following their heart than myself (although I'd like to). I realize my strong-headedness is as much a blessing as it is a curse and I will definitely have to open myself up to people if I am to make any progress. Wish me luck with this incredibly difficult task.

On the bright side, I look forward to progress of ANY kind in 2009. I might go so far as to take on the Yes-Man lifestyle and see where that takes me. I mean, what do I have to lose?

Wednesday

Almost done with the book. Today's fortune:

Assessing how to go forth with getting things organized, both projects and people should keep you very busy at this time. You could find this a time of unwavering study and thought, as you are not prone to take people's opinions to heart, without first investigating their motives. They must have some form of authority or evidence and above all else, practical worth and application, to even be worthy of consideration. You could find those around you feeling a big sense of appreciation or value for your feelings or your endowment to act and get things done. Someone will understand just how you feel and be sympathetic to your ideas. You are able to tap into a well-spring of inspiration now. Your dreams seem set to become reality and success is imminent.

Times I think my ipod is trying to tell me something

Dec 1, 7:45 am

Nostalgia

Wine and old e-mails make me blue.
Good luck in your flight across the ocean.
Don't forget to take lots of pictures for me.

Until we meet again,
Nicole

Today

is going to be a rough one.

Chemical Releases

In my yoga course, Bhagaret would sometimes talk about how for many types of toxins, there are exclusive routes through which they can be released from the body. Like the breath for example.

Today there is this little ball of energy--good or bad, i don't know--living inside me and it emerges randomly in the form of a fluttery heart and stomach. Kind of the way I feel when I look down at the street from a top-floor window of a tall building. Or that strange tickle I sometimes get at the roof of my mouth when I touch very soft animals. This thing is making me feel (uncomfortably) young and naive. This thing is more than I can describe right now.

I think I need to do something about this. I am curious to see which escape route this thing will take. I have a preferred method.

At the age of 23, I know absolutely nothing about love.

To celebrate fall, I had the biggest juiciest most delicious Cortland apple of all time. See that is what happens with fatties, it comes back to food always.

Fall officially started last week, and it has been surprisingly great. I'm pleased and it is not just the new primetime television lineup. Nothing particularly new has happened, with the exception of my lady-friend moving to town. Still, I sense a positive change in the air. Good ideas are brewing--I already have one supporter/potential investor for my secret-business! I will tell you what it is if you're nice. I will say this, it involves vanity and Mexican food.

This evening I was looking for a blank book to paste some magazine clippings in (hello, 17) and I stumbled upon some old journals of mine. That's always interesting. I was seriously hooked. Oh the poor use of language and post-teenage melodrama! No. But seriously, it was pretty depressing. 2005 was not a good year for me apparently. Growing pains. All my important friends are in there. If you are reading now, there is a good chance you are in there. And, I found an entry going on and on about this dude then the following year a note I'd written by it that said "I don't even remember who this guy is!"

One neat thing about documenting your experiences is going back and finding themes. I couldn't help reading over some of the pages thinking gosh, that is something that hasn't changed at all. Things may not have changed much, but one thing I feel confident about is growing up...at least a little bit.

I recently heard of this project where people read their teenage diaries aloud. How excruciating!

I'd sign up in a heartbeat.

Also on my short-list:

1.) a. Get really awesome at Texas Hold'em by practicing online.
b. go to poker night next week and beat all the men.

2.) Make a small fortune on breakfast tacos. The nerve of some of these peeps--charging $3 for a potato and egg taco!! And whats worse is that people buy them no matter what! Count me in on that. Maybe I can use my poker winnings to start my taco-stand.

3.) Con someone into giving me $250 to attend Ladies Rock Camp next month.

Blair Waldorf

This lovely weather is sure giving me a pair of the love-goggles. About damned time.

Everyday for the past two days, I walk outside my door in the morning and say out loud: "ohmyGOD it feels SO GOOD out here!" So far I have only been caught talking to myself once, but I am hoping for more.

Things have been good. I've got my BFF as my neighbor, I found a new Monday night hangout (Gossip Girl at Alamo Drafthouse), and my house doesn't smell like a garbage can. Its bike-riding weather. The GRE is behind me. My boyfriend is growing a cute beard. My dog is not being a total asshole today. I could really get used to this!

Now that I'm living a more inspired life I should really make more use of all this good energy. Here is what's on my to do:

-Pull out my keyboard lesson books
-Go camping!
-Start looking at houses on the eastside again
- Spend some more time in bed
- Plant some winter things
- Write

Thats the plan.

DEE WINS

A week of victories!

Lanterns

Today's weather sums it up well. The rain brings some much needed relief. It's been a long weekend. Decisions have been made and I have done some cleaning up of my own.

I have a few days off at the end of the month (Aug 29-Sept 2) and would like to spend a few days away from the city. A night in Marfa, or maybe somewhere even closer is sounding pretty good right now. Even better now
that I've got access to a decent camera. Somewhere secluded. Suggestions?

bomber jacket

I like this photo of Zooey. She looks cold.

I cannot wait for fall....or at least a few breezy days. I might have to take a trip to the coast just to get my fix. Here's why...

Boots
I like touching cold cheeks and kissing cold earlobes
Early sunsets
My dog will stop shedding
Because no one has ever heard of "fall cleaning"
Jack-o-lanterns
Boots
Leaf-crunching
Camping becomes desirable
My best friend will be here, finally
School
I want a baggy cardigan
Sick of sundresses
Because liquor becomes easier to stomach when its cold out
Boots
The kids are back and I have someone new to look at
Warm sunlight cut by chilly breezes makes you crazy, layering and then unlayering
Its easier to convince people to go outside
Big Sweaters and underwear
Big sweaters and short shorts
Tea is actually desirable
New York becomes more welcoming
The annual cinnamon apple candle
Easier to laze around for once
More bikers
Boots.